{ fifteen minutes isn't long, though he had no idea how close by she'd been to begin with. when he opens the door she'll find he looks well kept as normal. he's dressed, hair in place etc. but when she looks at his face she'll notice that despite how much composure he may have normally, something is cracking under the surface there.
his eyes are clouded, unfocused, as he steps aside to let her in. }
Come in.
{ his voice is quieter too, less confident, and almost like it's a little dry? }
We were trying to find more safe spots for teleporters to be installed, and given that somewhere that offered shelter would be ideal, we decided to explore the abandoned mansion near the airship station in the autumn segment.
{ he says it slowly, as though he's re-registering it for himself at the same time. }
We--I died there.
{ apparently they aren't going to sit down before this comes up, because lumine keeps asking questions. }
[ Listen she thought there was more to it and they'd still get there. But she's quickly realizing she should have kept her big mouth shut.
Her eyes widen, and a great deal of thoughts race through her mind. Who's we? Why would he go back to that place after everything they'd gone through? What happened?
She doesn't blurt any of them out, though, and thankfully Paimon isn't here to do it either. She also doesn't make the mistake of asking the stupidest question with the most obvious answer of all: Are you alright? Because clearly he's not, and from her experience, nobody could be. ]
Have you given yourself a chance to rest since you got back?
[ Ayato definitely seems like the kind of person who would try to force himself to keep going like nothing happened after something like that. ]
{ in all fairness, the mansion is a different building to the house the test of courage had been in--but he hadn't really said otherwise.
but at least at her question he'll look back at her properly, and give her a very honest answer. }
I'm using insomnia control to stay awake. I haven't been to sleep since I got back last night. I made notes while everyone else was asleep this morning. { his hands clench at his sides momentarily, before he exhales. } But I'm struggling to keep my concentration.
{ so yes. he is 100% trying to keep going. }
And given your... what you told me before. I thought you should know to avoid the place. Until we speak to Olwen I don't want to draw attention to it, but I need more time to actually go there and have that conversation.
[ Assuming that they've reached the living room right now, she's going to take a seat on the couch or whatever other multi-person seating is available and pat the space next to her. ]
Come, sit.
Y[ es it's his house. No, she doesn't feel any shame about telling him what to do and where to go in it--mostly because he's clearly not doing well. ]
and the couch isn't that far away from the entranceway, so definitely in sight now. it's fairly wide--a three seater--so she'll have plenty of space to choose from.
he'll follow though without question, because she's right. he is not doing well. he takes the seat next to her, staring at his hands rather than at her or anywhere else in the room. }
[ Really, that's the only thing that she needs to know at this point. If digging it up will do more damage, she doesn't want that. But if keeping it inside is festering, she wants to give him space to let it out. ]
{ weak isn't the word he'd used -- it's more that she's already been through more than enough. why should he add more to it? }
Alright. I. { he takes a deep breath, his hands clasping together on his lap, fumbling faintly before he flattens them on his thighs and does the same cycle as he tries to get his words out. none of it is rehearsed, and it's like he really isn't quite there. }
The mansion wasn't the one I went to with you, but the one in the Autumn segment near the airship station. K-We had settled on that place in the hope we could arrange for a teleporter to be placed there, as it would offer shelter and cut down on travel time. Unfortunately... we learned very quickly it would not be a safe spot after all.
The door we chose to open first had... something unlike anything I've ever seen or heard of before. Even with all the stories of youkai I've heard or seen...
We didn't have much chance to. It reached around us and blocked us in... then when we broke through the floorboards to get to the lower level it grew. Almost like it was filling whatever space it had. Every strike of its hands, many of them, would afflict some kind of effect on us. I lost my ability to speak temporarily, we were burned, poisoned...
{ he takes a sharp breath in and there's a long moment where he seems lost in the memory of it. and when he blinks himself back out of it, fists bound so tightly the backs of his hands seem even whiter, his voice is incredibly low. }
I had to watch them die, knowing neither of us could escape that place. Spirits were already sealing the mansion in, so it was only a matter of time.
Watching someone you care for suffer and die painfully is a special kind of hell.
[ There's a soft, bitter sadness to her voice that comes with the certainty of first-hand experience. She lays her hand on top of Ayato's tightly balled fist. ]
I'm so sorry. You never should have been made to go through something like that. No one should.
{ it may come as a surprise when his hand slowly turns at that, instead shifting to clasp hers instead of letting it just rest there. }
I... have seen plenty of people die under my command, but this was incredibly different. { his voice softens yet seems to sound drier at the same time. } And I made it worse. I called Thoma near the end of it, since I knew if we were missing they'd consider looking for us. I didn't want Ayaka or him to go there. But I ran out of time.
{ the implication for what that means likely doesn't need to be said. }
[ She laces her fingers between his. Her skin is pleasantly warm and dry to the touch. She understands what he means--it's different, when it's someone that you're that close to. When the death isn't clean, but a torture. She gives his hand a gentle squeeze in what she hopes is a comforting gesture.
She doesn't wince, but she feels a deep pang of empathy for both Ayato and Thoma. Ayato panicked and tried to make the best of a bad situation. But it must have been agony for Thoma too. And it makes her wonder about his lack of presence now... ]
{ his hand squeezes hers in return, a way of apology since he knows she likely understands all too well. even if he wishes she didn't.
there is a faint smile on his lips at her question though. }
I have, yes. He was waiting for me at the flower yard. He's resting... as I don't think he's slept much the past few days. I only got back late last night.
[ Poor Thoma. Maybe she should check in on him... ]
Do you want me to find something to help you sleep without any dreams?
[ There's bound to be something; at least, there were such things in Imeeji. Tighnari might know of an incense that could induce dreamless sleep. Or maybe even Alhaitham; probably no one here has read more books than he has. ]
I didn't want to leave it too long before telling you.
{ he can't speak for him, but he'd probably brush it off and say the worst of it is over. he hasn't blamed him at all for it, when ayato feels he should have. }
I have some lavender somewhere in my room. I think it's more to make a person feel drowsy more than remove sleep, however. But I'll be fine for a couple of days.
I understand not wanting to sleep. But you do know that after three or four nights without it, you can start to hallucinate, right? Nightmares are bad, but you could start to relive what happened while you're awake, too.
[ And then there's the extra risk of accidents, risky behavior, paranoia, depression, an inability to think... ]
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his eyes are clouded, unfocused, as he steps aside to let her in. }
Come in.
{ his voice is quieter too, less confident, and almost like it's a little dry? }
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Sure. Why don't we go sit down?
[ Before you fall down. Or trip. Or something else. ]
Where've you been lately? I thought we were going to meet up for weekly drinks the other night.
[ He never answered his phone so she decided he must have been busy with political stuff or spending time with Thoma, but now she's wondering again. ]
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{ he does close the door behind her, but he makes no move to lock it like he has in the past.
and as he walks towards the couch, he question makes him pause to look back at her confused. }
Did I not tell you I was going out of the city for a quest?
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I thought it was just going to be a short one. What kind of quest was this, exactly?
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We were trying to find more safe spots for teleporters to be installed, and given that somewhere that offered shelter would be ideal, we decided to explore the abandoned mansion near the airship station in the autumn segment.
{ he says it slowly, as though he's re-registering it for himself at the same time. }
We--I died there.
{ apparently they aren't going to sit down before this comes up, because lumine keeps asking questions. }
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Her eyes widen, and a great deal of thoughts race through her mind. Who's we? Why would he go back to that place after everything they'd gone through? What happened?
She doesn't blurt any of them out, though, and thankfully Paimon isn't here to do it either. She also doesn't make the mistake of asking the stupidest question with the most obvious answer of all: Are you alright? Because clearly he's not, and from her experience, nobody could be. ]
Have you given yourself a chance to rest since you got back?
[ Ayato definitely seems like the kind of person who would try to force himself to keep going like nothing happened after something like that. ]
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but at least at her question he'll look back at her properly, and give her a very honest answer. }
I'm using insomnia control to stay awake. I haven't been to sleep since I got back last night. I made notes while everyone else was asleep this morning. { his hands clench at his sides momentarily, before he exhales. } But I'm struggling to keep my concentration.
{ so yes. he is 100% trying to keep going. }
And given your... what you told me before. I thought you should know to avoid the place. Until we speak to Olwen I don't want to draw attention to it, but I need more time to actually go there and have that conversation.
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Duly noted.
[ Assuming that they've reached the living room right now, she's going to take a seat on the couch or whatever other multi-person seating is available and pat the space next to her. ]
Come, sit.
Y[ es it's his house. No, she doesn't feel any shame about telling him what to do and where to go in it--mostly because he's clearly not doing well. ]
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and the couch isn't that far away from the entranceway, so definitely in sight now. it's fairly wide--a three seater--so she'll have plenty of space to choose from.
he'll follow though without question, because she's right. he is not doing well. he takes the seat next to her, staring at his hands rather than at her or anywhere else in the room. }
Was there anything else you wished to know?
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[ Really, that's the only thing that she needs to know at this point. If digging it up will do more damage, she doesn't want that. But if keeping it inside is festering, she wants to give him space to let it out. ]
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Will it not be uncomfortable for you?
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I wouldn't offer if I didn't think I could handle it.
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Alright. I. { he takes a deep breath, his hands clasping together on his lap, fumbling faintly before he flattens them on his thighs and does the same cycle as he tries to get his words out. none of it is rehearsed, and it's like he really isn't quite there. }
The mansion wasn't the one I went to with you, but the one in the Autumn segment near the airship station. K-We had settled on that place in the hope we could arrange for a teleporter to be placed there, as it would offer shelter and cut down on travel time. Unfortunately... we learned very quickly it would not be a safe spot after all.
The door we chose to open first had... something unlike anything I've ever seen or heard of before. Even with all the stories of youkai I've heard or seen...
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That must have been terrifying. Were you able to escape it?
[ Obviously at some point his luck ran out. But he did say "first" door. ]
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We didn't have much chance to. It reached around us and blocked us in... then when we broke through the floorboards to get to the lower level it grew. Almost like it was filling whatever space it had. Every strike of its hands, many of them, would afflict some kind of effect on us. I lost my ability to speak temporarily, we were burned, poisoned...
{ he takes a sharp breath in and there's a long moment where he seems lost in the memory of it. and when he blinks himself back out of it, fists bound so tightly the backs of his hands seem even whiter, his voice is incredibly low. }
I had to watch them die, knowing neither of us could escape that place. Spirits were already sealing the mansion in, so it was only a matter of time.
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[ There's a soft, bitter sadness to her voice that comes with the certainty of first-hand experience. She lays her hand on top of Ayato's tightly balled fist. ]
I'm so sorry. You never should have been made to go through something like that. No one should.
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I... have seen plenty of people die under my command, but this was incredibly different. { his voice softens yet seems to sound drier at the same time. } And I made it worse. I called Thoma near the end of it, since I knew if we were missing they'd consider looking for us. I didn't want Ayaka or him to go there. But I ran out of time.
{ the implication for what that means likely doesn't need to be said. }
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She doesn't wince, but she feels a deep pang of empathy for both Ayato and Thoma. Ayato panicked and tried to make the best of a bad situation. But it must have been agony for Thoma too. And it makes her wonder about his lack of presence now... ]
Have you seen or spoke with him since?
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there is a faint smile on his lips at her question though. }
I have, yes. He was waiting for me at the flower yard. He's resting... as I don't think he's slept much the past few days. I only got back late last night.
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[ Poor Thoma. Maybe she should check in on him... ]
Do you want me to find something to help you sleep without any dreams?
[ There's bound to be something; at least, there were such things in Imeeji. Tighnari might know of an incense that could induce dreamless sleep. Or maybe even Alhaitham; probably no one here has read more books than he has. ]
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{ he can't speak for him, but he'd probably brush it off and say the worst of it is over. he hasn't blamed him at all for it, when ayato feels he should have. }
I have some lavender somewhere in my room. I think it's more to make a person feel drowsy more than remove sleep, however. But I'll be fine for a couple of days.
{ as in. he doesn't. um. plan to sleep. }
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I understand not wanting to sleep. But you do know that after three or four nights without it, you can start to hallucinate, right? Nightmares are bad, but you could start to relive what happened while you're awake, too.
[ And then there's the extra risk of accidents, risky behavior, paranoia, depression, an inability to think... ]
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{ which may give her some peace of mind, but not totally... }
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You still can't avoid sleeping forever.
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