[ She laces her fingers between his. Her skin is pleasantly warm and dry to the touch. She understands what he means--it's different, when it's someone that you're that close to. When the death isn't clean, but a torture. She gives his hand a gentle squeeze in what she hopes is a comforting gesture.
She doesn't wince, but she feels a deep pang of empathy for both Ayato and Thoma. Ayato panicked and tried to make the best of a bad situation. But it must have been agony for Thoma too. And it makes her wonder about his lack of presence now... ]
{ his hand squeezes hers in return, a way of apology since he knows she likely understands all too well. even if he wishes she didn't.
there is a faint smile on his lips at her question though. }
I have, yes. He was waiting for me at the flower yard. He's resting... as I don't think he's slept much the past few days. I only got back late last night.
[ Poor Thoma. Maybe she should check in on him... ]
Do you want me to find something to help you sleep without any dreams?
[ There's bound to be something; at least, there were such things in Imeeji. Tighnari might know of an incense that could induce dreamless sleep. Or maybe even Alhaitham; probably no one here has read more books than he has. ]
I didn't want to leave it too long before telling you.
{ he can't speak for him, but he'd probably brush it off and say the worst of it is over. he hasn't blamed him at all for it, when ayato feels he should have. }
I have some lavender somewhere in my room. I think it's more to make a person feel drowsy more than remove sleep, however. But I'll be fine for a couple of days.
I understand not wanting to sleep. But you do know that after three or four nights without it, you can start to hallucinate, right? Nightmares are bad, but you could start to relive what happened while you're awake, too.
[ And then there's the extra risk of accidents, risky behavior, paranoia, depression, an inability to think... ]
Once I've spoken to Olwen or the other power holders about it, yes. I doubt there won't be some eager to rush inside, so I want to see if there's a chance they can put a barrier first. I understand it may cause panic, but I'd rather no one stumble upon it accidentally merely because I kept quiet about it.
{ he glances at her for that, a small smile on his lips. }
Do I need to be comfortable with it? Most of my work has never been comfortable, and if I want people to trust I have their best intentions in mind, I need to be honest with them about things like this.
I just think you deserve to talk about this when you feel ready to, the same as any other person. Your other work, it might not be comfortable--but it's different. Subterfuge and façade. This is honesty and vulnerability. Once you've let people see your soft underbelly, it's hard to walk that back. Are you okay with that?
I'm just a human, Lumine. I'm not sure why alerting people that something extremely difficult to handle was found in this world, that we don't even know if the seasonal power holders have heard of before now.
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it. I'm just worried about you, that's all.
[ She withdraws her hand. She tried. There's clearly no dissuading him at this point. Better to not continue down that path and risk making things worse for him. ]
I thought maybe talking about your trauma that openly might be sharing more of yourself than you're used to--comfortable with. I see I misjudged things, though. If you're really fine with it, then you should go through with it.
{ his gaze shifts back to her then, letting her hand move away without protest. }
As nice as it would be to have the time to process it, I've found life moves on whether you're ready to move on with it or not. Do you think, given my position, I've ever had the opportunity to relax and let myself grieve over anyone or anything? All I can say is that this is something I'm rather used to by now, Lumine. I do recognise and appreciate your concern, however.
[ Ayato... really... She manages not to sigh but she can't help but familiar dead-pan look her face falls into. ]
And that was why I was suggesting that this time you didn't have to act like you always have.
As she's told him many times now--if he wants, he could have a different life here. But this time, just as much as the others, he's told her as much he doesn't believe it, doesn't want it. You can take a mule to water, but you can't make it drink.
Never mind. Have you already written up your speech? Did you need someone to look at it?
[ She assumes he's going to put together something formally scripted, but she could be wrong. ]
{ he shakes his head, the only response to her first concerns. he's going to be stubborn about this. }
Not yet, I won't complete the first draft until I've managed to speak to the seasonal power holders here in case it is something they've seen before. And I want to ensure no one rushes out to try and face it themselves. { he sighs } If it manages to get out of that place... I'm not sure it wouldn't stop growing.
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She doesn't wince, but she feels a deep pang of empathy for both Ayato and Thoma. Ayato panicked and tried to make the best of a bad situation. But it must have been agony for Thoma too. And it makes her wonder about his lack of presence now... ]
Have you seen or spoke with him since?
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there is a faint smile on his lips at her question though. }
I have, yes. He was waiting for me at the flower yard. He's resting... as I don't think he's slept much the past few days. I only got back late last night.
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[ Poor Thoma. Maybe she should check in on him... ]
Do you want me to find something to help you sleep without any dreams?
[ There's bound to be something; at least, there were such things in Imeeji. Tighnari might know of an incense that could induce dreamless sleep. Or maybe even Alhaitham; probably no one here has read more books than he has. ]
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{ he can't speak for him, but he'd probably brush it off and say the worst of it is over. he hasn't blamed him at all for it, when ayato feels he should have. }
I have some lavender somewhere in my room. I think it's more to make a person feel drowsy more than remove sleep, however. But I'll be fine for a couple of days.
{ as in. he doesn't. um. plan to sleep. }
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I understand not wanting to sleep. But you do know that after three or four nights without it, you can start to hallucinate, right? Nightmares are bad, but you could start to relive what happened while you're awake, too.
[ And then there's the extra risk of accidents, risky behavior, paranoia, depression, an inability to think... ]
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{ which may give her some peace of mind, but not totally... }
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You still can't avoid sleeping forever.
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[ What she means is-- ]
If you announce it yourself, you might be forcing yourself into reliving those memories. Would it be helpful if someone announced it for you?
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Do I need to be comfortable with it? Most of my work has never been comfortable, and if I want people to trust I have their best intentions in mind, I need to be honest with them about things like this.
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I'm just a human, Lumine. I'm not sure why alerting people that something extremely difficult to handle was found in this world, that we don't even know if the seasonal power holders have heard of before now.
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[ She withdraws her hand. She tried. There's clearly no dissuading him at this point. Better to not continue down that path and risk making things worse for him. ]
I thought maybe talking about your trauma that openly might be sharing more of yourself than you're used to--comfortable with. I see I misjudged things, though. If you're really fine with it, then you should go through with it.
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As nice as it would be to have the time to process it, I've found life moves on whether you're ready to move on with it or not. Do you think, given my position, I've ever had the opportunity to relax and let myself grieve over anyone or anything? All I can say is that this is something I'm rather used to by now, Lumine. I do recognise and appreciate your concern, however.
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And that was why I was suggesting that this time you didn't have to act like you always have.
As she's told him many times now--if he wants, he could have a different life here. But this time, just as much as the others, he's told her as much he doesn't believe it, doesn't want it. You can take a mule to water, but you can't make it drink.
Never mind. Have you already written up your speech? Did you need someone to look at it?
[ She assumes he's going to put together something formally scripted, but she could be wrong. ]
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Not yet, I won't complete the first draft until I've managed to speak to the seasonal power holders here in case it is something they've seen before. And I want to ensure no one rushes out to try and face it themselves. { he sighs } If it manages to get out of that place... I'm not sure it wouldn't stop growing.